The other day, I was reading about the phenomenon called….well it's not a named phenomenon yet, but it's quite prevalent and most of us agree that it exists. It is about Women loving "Bad Guys" and not the "Nice Guys".
Interesting topic, I thought, and went on to do some secondary research (well, I'm pretty vella these days)….and found out quite a few interesting insights:
- The basic premise of this phenomenon comes from the inherent 'Motherly' instincts of women/girls. They tend to think that taking a 'strayed' man under their wings, and transforming them is their life's prime agenda.
- Feminists may balk at this, but women tend to be gluttons for punishments, and unknowingly revel in being the 'Underdog'. They tend to stick around with men who look down upon them, even who are violent, and will stand up beside their man if someone tries to 'rescue' them.
- The romanticization of the 'Bad Guy', since time immemorial, creates an inherent desire within women to be seen as the 'Arm Candy' of the man of the moment.
- Let's face it, nice men traditionally have not been in the spotlight, even though we may like to believe that they are the eventual 'winners', and that the lady will ultimately walk into the sunset with them. This is, more often than we would like to believe, not the case.
I also talked to a few of my female friends on this, and here are a few of their responses:
- "We do like nice guys; the problem is that too many men think of themselves as being 'nice' and the other guy being the 'Bad Guy'."
- "All the nice guys are either taken or gay. A girl's gotta eat…."
- "The so called 'Nice Guys' do not know how to handle a relationship."
There was only one common facet to all the responses that I got, not one denied that women are attracted to the 'Bad Guy', instead most of my friends tried to either skirt the issue, or give reasons which appear laughable at best. Agreed, almost all of them are successful in their own right, and the cohort was not exactly ideal for the feedback I was looking for, but still, their responses were a dead give-away that that the phenomenon is not something which happens occasionally, but pretty frequently, even in our own circles, even if we don't really pay attention.
- In school, a friend of mine (Lets call him Sameer) had a serious infatuation on a classmate of his (Lets call her Sarita). Sarita was dating this guy (Lets call him Cretin :P ), who was well known as the brat of the class. Sarita considered Sameer her good friend, but that was it, she made it abundantly clear that she had no romantic inclination towards him. One day, Sameer overheard Cretin talking lewdly about his relation with Sarita to a few of his friends. Worried, he took this up with Sarita, and implored her to break it off with Cretin, even if she did not want to be with him. Sarita, smitten as she was, told Cretin the entire episode, who denied the entire thing, and said that Sameer was jealous, and wanted her to think badly of him. I was shocked when I discovered that Sarita, who was also a good friend of mine, took Cretin on his word, and reprimanded Sameer, and told him that she didn't want to be his friend anymore. I don't know what happened with Sarita & Cretin or with Sameer for that matter, after this incident.
- A good friend of mine recently told me an incident involving another friend of hers, whom I did not know at that point. Apparently she was madly in love with a guy, who was pretty good looking and brilliant at academics to boot. But when she expressed her love for him, he insulted her with extremely blunt statements which were in extreme bad taste. I was shocked at the appalling behavior of this person. A few weeks later, my shock knew no bounds when my friend told me that her friend still had not got over that guy, and still laid out the red carpet for him whenever they came across each other.
- Another incident involved a very close friend of mine, who had a long and tumultuous relationship with a guy during graduation. She broke it off with him, on discovering that he had been nefarious and unfaithful in the relationship, only to get back together after 3 years, when he apologized for his behavior, and told her that he wanted to marry her. They got married, and I came to know, much to my shock, that 6 months into their marriage, they had filed for a divorce, and that she had been a victim of domestic violence and adultery.
All these women, one might think of as losers and one-off cases. But the truth is quite on the contrary, these women are successful career women (I don't know about Sarita, as mentioned above), wonderful people otherwise, and strong in their belief system. They also, always had the option of going for a 'Nice Guy', as I know people who would have given their tooth and nail to be with these women, and love them to no measure, but somehow, that did not work out. Why they so failed in the above mentioned situations, fails my understanding, and leaves me as baffled as I can get.
After trying very hard to understand why this happens, I have reconciled that this will be, for a substantial time atleast, another thing whose understanding will elude me, and leave my brains addled whenever I come across an incident of this nature.
All I think I can say is, "Women of the world, be more appreciative of the nice guys around you, they are becoming an increasingly rare breed, and the reason might be you, for the simple economic principle of Demand and Supply works here too. The high 'Demand' for 'Bad Guys' is forcing these nice people to change their allegiance….."
This post is not meant to malign or entice anyone, but simply to induce thought. I am also sorry for my friends, whose stories I have used here without their permission, but I hope it is not too apparent so as to identify them.
